so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
