I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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