Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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