Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
