well I can't set my house on fire every night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
