Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my being single is dangerous.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
