I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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