im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
