The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
