The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
BRING THE BAGELS
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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