i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
