Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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