ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We left the knife in your bed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
