just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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