i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
