the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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