This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
