Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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