I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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