Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
