I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize