Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
