The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
