3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
