anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize