You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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