I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
