I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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