Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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