so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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