The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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