Do vagina's smell?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
