Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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