haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
