The maid of honor just puked.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
