Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
