Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it glows. i had to have it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
