Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
