They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
