it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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