Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize