I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
