The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
