i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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