i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
