Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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