I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
