if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
