Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
