He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
