I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
