Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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