I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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