I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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