Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
