good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
