yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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