it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
