He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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