Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
pop tarts are not kleenex
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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