i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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