this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
